Blog Posts

Plant your flag: Or, how I claimed my happiness

3/16/2015

Your happiness is your personal responsibility. Nobody else’s. If there’s something you want, it’s up to you to go get it.... Create what you crave.
~ Susan Hyatt

Friendly invaders!

You’re a woman on a mission and you’ve got big dreams.

But you look around your life to see that it has been taken over by friendly invaders: Your job. Your adorable kids. Your aging parents.

You love them! Of course you’re going to attend to them.

But here’s the problem: You’ve given away the whole garden to these friendly invaders.

And now it feels impossible to take it back.

I know. I've been there too.

If you know me, you may know that for the past year and half, much of my attention has been devoted to caring for my dear old Mom and Dad as they struggle with life-altering cancer and the not-for-sissies challenges of old age.

It’s one of the most important things I’ll ever do.

But last year when the New Year rolled around, and I would normally be setting my vision and plans for the year, I had nuthin’. Nada.

My vision consisted of escaping for a 20-minute walk. Maybe spending one night a week at home with my sweetheart (I live 1.5 hours from my parents).

Fantasizing about sneaking away to browse at the Kmart in Mom and Dad’s town for half an hour. (Really??? Desperate times indeed.)

And I saw no end in sight.

No hope of gaining momentum any time soon in this work that I love.

No chance of giving my business (and life) the love that it needed. Plus, there was that troublesome sucking sound in my bank account.

In desperation, I grabbed my phone and escaped for that much needed walk (Step 1). I called my dear friend and coaching buddy Wendy (Step 2).

I walked and talked. Wendy listened and empathized. She’d been there too.

And then she said this:

“I’m hearing you say you’re stuck where you are. That you have to be there for your parents and that’s just how it is. But what if you give dreaming a chance?”

Oh.

What if?

See, I had talked myself into believing it was the “right thing” to put dreaming on hold for the people I love. I'll bet you’ve done that too.

And so, I planted my flag. (Step 3)

Is it time to leap toward happiness and plant YOUR flag?

That night, I signed up for the entrepreneurship class I wanted to take on Tuesday nights.

We’d figure out how to get Mom and Dad cared for, even if it meant hiring help.

But Tuesday nights were for me and my dreams. And you know what happened?

The space around my flag started to grow.

Since I was going to be home on Tuesday nights, I scheduled coaching clients for Wednesday mornings.
At lunch, I started looking at pictures of beautiful places where I want to offer workshops one day, even if it’s not this day.
I started to play with making a fun business plan for the year. And guess what? I’m bringing it to life.

Since that day, many things have conspired for me to do the work I love.

I’ve got my dear siblings to thank for stepping into the gap at some critical moments. I’ve got my parents to thank for soldering on with courage and grace. I’ve got the Universe to thank for this (mostly) stable period for my parents.

But here’s one thing I know for sure.

MY life wouldn’t have shifted one inch if I hadn’t planted my flag.

Try this:

3 Steps to Plant YOUR Flag

Do something today to nurture YOU. Just you. Take a walk. Make a green smoothie. Set a date to browse your favorite bookstore.
Reach out to someone who will give you and your dream some love. A kind friend. A coach. A memoir of someone who overcame pain and adversity to breathe life into her dreams.
Plant your Flag. Say "yes" to what makes you happy. Take one step - no matter how tiny - in the direction of your dream. Sign up for a class. Buy your domain. Hire a sitter for 2 hours a week and go shoot photos. Do one thing.

In that one, small act of flag-planting, you declare dominion as the Sovereign Queen (or King) of your life.

Now, watch the space around it grow.

Next week, we’ll talk about planting your flag in the world of work.

Happy planting!

Katie

P.S. What are you going to do to plant your flag? DECLARE IT in the comments below!

Passion's great. But what if you don't know what you want?

2/20/2015

Take a journey into the things which you are carrying, the known –
not into the unknown – into what you already know:
your pleasures, your delights, your despairs, you sorrows.
Take a journey into that, that is all you have.
~Jiddu Krishnamurti

She wants her life to be different. More soulful. More spacious. Less restrictive. Not all about work. More about love and connection and beauty.

We played with an exercise called the Ideal Day, in which you wake up in your ideal life 3 years from now and watch yourself walk through a “regular day” in the life of your wildest dreams. You notice where you are and with whom. What you’re wearing. How you spend your day. Throughout the day, you pause and notice how it feels and list three feeling states.

Done at the right time, this exercise can be enlightening, delicious, inspiring.

Done too early, in the midst of burnout, fatigue, or grief it can be paralyzing. Maybe even discouraging.

My client (she is many clients) opened with a spacious morning with her loves, and then she froze. After a slow breakfast and a nice walk…then what?
The clear path ended.

Then she did what many of us do. She beat herself up for not knowing what she wanted.

But the fact is, she already knows a lot. She knows how she wants her life feel, even if she can’t yet see what she wants to be doing in her ideal life.

Is this you, too? You know you want something different than what’s happening now. But you don’t know what it looks like.

And it feels crappy.

Because "powerful" women should have big dreams and goals. They should have a vision board for crying out loud. A sense of purpose. Passion.

Right???

Here’s what I believe: “Powerful” women are women who tap into the power of who they are, right where they are. Vulnerable. Raw. Authentic. And that is very powerful (and sexy).

Follow your hot tracks

Let’s start there.

Yesterday I got to sit in on a call with the author Elizabeth Gilbert. Liz talked about how the ideal of having a singular Passion can be a tyranny to many of us.

She invites us instead to create a life through the gentler Path of Curiosity. Living a life of Curiosity, she begins each day by asking, “What interests me today, even just a little bit? What makes me want to turn my head, even just a quarter turn? What am I curious about today?”

These are what Martha Beck calls your “hot tracks.”

It’s as if you are tracking a wild and mysterious animal through the wilds all for a glimpse of its rare beauty.

You follow each hot track to the next hot track. When the track starts to feel cool, you remember back to your last hot track and circle back.

You don’t have to know what it all looks like right now. As the poet Mary Oliver says, “You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.”

Try this:

Reflect on what you already know.

Let’s start with what you already know. That’s where your power is. Here are some questions to help excavate what you want:

What do you know right now? What are you clear on?
What do you want your life to feel like?
What do you want more of?
What don’t you want it to feel like anymore?
What’s fun for you? What experiences make you happy?
What do you enjoy? (Even if it doesn’t make you money – yet.)
What are you clear that you don’t want anymore?
What must change?

These are your hot tracks. Be with them. Follow them. Your next hot track will show up. I promise.

(Want to go deeper with questions like these? Check out Danielle LaPorte's Desire Map. You'll love it. Even better, check out a Desire Map workshop with the fabulous Tiffiney Lozano).

Declare it! What’s one thing you know already? Let us know in the comments.

The #1 Reason You Must Put Your Passion First + 4 Tips for Getting Started

1/22/2015

“As you take one step toward the thing you want, it really does take a hundred steps toward you." ~ Martha Beck

Meditative doodle of Katie's Phrase of the Year.

If you’re like me, you juggle many good things. (I have three business pursuits and a volunteer nonprofit.) The categories of to-dos can be overwhelming, let alone the to-dos themselves.

But I have an unswerving passion for this: When I coach soulful women and men to rekindle their passion and do work they love, it is magical. I am in the sweet spot of my passion.

It is without a doubt what I’m here to do. And I don’t want it to get lost in the shuffle of other good things.

So this is my mantra for 2015: Passion First.

I’ll bet you have persistent passion too, even if it’s not how you’re making your living - yet. Is it photography? Healing people and the planet? Writing? Bringing order to chaos?

As we dive into 2015, I invite you: Put your passion first.

Why? There are lots of good reasons, like being true to you, being happy, etc. But here is the #1 reason:

Because no one else is going to do it for you.

From today on, and every day in 2015, when sit down to plan my day, I’m going to ask myself, “What if I put my passion first?”

I invite you to join me.

Put Passion First.

Because it’s too darned easy to lose sight of your passion in the many things of the day.

In 2015 I am choosing to arrange my days so that my Passion gets nourished first, tiny step by tiny step.

Want to join me? Here are a few tips for getting started:

Give it love: Every day give your passion your attention - even for just a few minutes. Learn, play, meditate, brainstorm, daydream in the arena of your passion, even if the rest of the day is devoted to other projects.
Make time: Set aside a chunk of minutes or hours in your day, a day a week or a day a month, to inspire, nourish, and grow your passion. Make time to create.
Make room: What can you let go of to make room for your passion? Is there some activity that no longer feeds you? Something that distracts you? I invite you to let it go, darling. Give your passion room to grow, and it will!
Take a step: Take a small but meaningful step in the direction of your passion. Research it. Update your resume. Set up a conversation with someone you admire who does it. Choose an image or symbol that reminds you of it and put it somewhere you will see it often.

Here’s what I know for sure. When you put your passion first, you send a powerful message to yourself and to the Universe, that you mean business.

What is one tiny step you can take today to move your passion from the background into the foreground of your life? What is one way you can give your passion some love - even if it’s just for 15 minutes - today?

Declare it! And let us know in the comments below!

P.S. Want some help excavating your passion? That’s my favorite work. If you’d like some 1:1 guidance for living your passion and purpose, meet me here.

My Phrase for 2015: Passion First

1/12/2015

I was feeling a little Grinch-y and starting to beat myself up...just a little bit. I was feeling the little hamster on the wheel in my belly start to wind up with that feeling that I really ought to be doing something.

New Year’s resolutions. Intentions. Goals. Ugh.

I mean, aren’t the holidays overloaded ENOUGH, without having to think about improving myself too???

Maybe you can relate.

So this year, when I felt that “hurry up and reflect” hamster in my belly, first, I noticed it.

Next, I checked in with what I wanted to feel this holiday season: Playful. Spacious. Connected.

Finally, I asked myself what I wanted to do. Besides enjoying all of the celebrations, I wanted to enjoy this rare time off with my schoolteacher sweetie. I wanted to sleep in together. To read books. To watch movies. To go for walks and watch for birds. To hike in the woods. To tie up loose ends. To sip some fauxnog (lactose intolerant).

So I let myself off the hook. (Maybe you could too).

I knew that once everyone was back at work and the last holiday had been celebrated and the last weekend savored, I’d be ready to go inward and reflect. And guess what? I was.

I still haven’t set any resolutions, and I probably won’t. But here’s an easy ritual I love that you might like too:

I invite in a word or a phrase for the year. I use it as a guiding light for my actions on a daily basis. (Christine Kane writes a great article for how you can do that too).

So far, this is my phrase for 2015:

Passion First.

In fact, next week's blog is all about putting your passion first.

Do you have a word or a phrase for this year? What is it? I’d love to hear about it.

Xo,

Katie

Enough Love

2/14/2014

There I was, having a moment of fear and insecurity in my relationship. Even in this most loving and trustworthy of relationships, I still have those moments. I "knew" it really had nothing to do with my sweetheart and everything to do with me.

But nevertheless, there it was. Not going away.

I don't know about you, but I have a whole bag of tricks for situations like this. Push it away. Make the other person wrong. Try to talk myself out of it. Stuff it. Yeah, THOSE work real well. Not going away.

This time, I tried something different. I tried what Martha Beck calls "learning to avoid avoidance." I allowed myself to feel it. I paused and breathed. I noticed what the fear and insecurity felt like in my body - heavy and thick and tight in my chest. I kept breathing. Not trying to fix it or make it change, just noticing. Just feeling and breathing. Staying with it.

And you know what? After a minute or two I felt it loosen, myself loosen. I opened up, and in that opening, this little gem dropped in like a big juicy raindrop:

"There will always be enough love in the Universe for me."

Whoosh. The scary emotions dissipated, and in their place was a deep, centered knowing. A knowing that no matter what happens in this relationship, that friendship, this human encounter, there is enough love in the world for me.

That was the message I needed to hear in that moment. I don't know why it made such a big difference, but it did. Maybe it speaks to you. Maybe it doesn't. You need the message that will speak to you.

Here's the point, Love. When I allowed myself to feel what I was feeling, to quit pushing it away, to breathe into it with compassion, I created the space for my own inner wisdom to speak to me.

When you honor your own beautiful soul, I believe it will speak you, too, with just the message you need to hear right now.

Give it a try. And let me know what happens in the comments below.

Smart Cookie: 5 Ways to Be Your Own Best Valentine

2/14/2014

Ah, Valentine's Day. Love, passion, amore! Or maybe not...

Maybe there's not a "special someone" in your life. Maybe that special someone has just departed your life. Maybe that special someone forgot. Maybe he or she didn't celebrate love quite the way you'd been hoping.

It can be a week/day/month fraught with anxiety, distress, let downs, unfulfilled longings.

That's why I like to be my own best Valentine.

What does that look like? It looks like doing things for yourself that nourish you. That nurture you. That let you know that YOU are special and worth doing something extravagant for. Extravagant doesn't have to mean money - it may mean attention, time, feeling.

Looking back on my life, these are 5 ways I have been my own best Valentine (whether it's Valentine's Day or not).

1. Choose to be Your Valentine. Decide to Like You. I'm in 7th grade. I have just moved from a small school in a big city to a big school in a very small town (it served the entire county). I'm the new kid, on the outside looking in. I remember the distinct moment when I think, "This is junior high. I can't count on anyone else to like me. It's up to me to like me." Since that day, there have been many, many moments when I've told myself, "It's up to me to like me. I choose you, Girl."

2. Plan a Gal-entines Party. It's my senior year in high school. I'm tall with nobby knees. A tomboy and a preacher's daughter. A late bloomer shall we say. I had good buddies, but no one asked me to prom. And I ached to go. First, I took time to feel it. That helped. Then the coolest thing happened. Some amazing young women in my class invited me on a girls' trip to Casper, Wyo (that was the big city!) on Prom Saturday. Road trip! We shopped, we laughed, we shared, and we took ourselves out to dinner. Spend time with dear friends and treat yourself like you're special, brilliant, beautiful, worth spending time with. Because the truth is you are, Dearheart.

3. Send a Friend-o-Tine. Text a friend. Send a card to a sibling. Call a dear one and tell them you love them. Tell them something you love about them. Did someone do something you appreciate? Tell them. Why? Because kindness feels good.

4. Do Something Extravagantly Romantic for Yourself. I'm in my 30s and it's Valentine's week. It turns out the guy I hoping was "the one" wasn't. There was a young poet in my town who would write personalized poems for $5 at the farmers' market. I decided to commission a love poem for myself. I told him, "Ben, this week I need a $20 poem." What he created for me was exquisite.

Maybe you don't have a poet readily at hand. What would feel romantic to you? Buy yourself flowers? Take time to savor a good book? Take yourself for a walk in the woods? Listen to a Valentine's blessing from Magpie Girl.

5. Make Yourself a Valentine. Even now, with a sweetie who fits me to a T, I still do romantic things for myself. Here's the Valentine I gave myself this week. I guess it's become a habit to do loving things for myself. Plus, it just feels good to play with markers and crayons and scissors and glue. (Noticing a theme here? Do something that feels good!)

How about you? I can't wait to hear from you! What are some of the things you've done to be your own best Valentine? Let me know in the comments below!

Waiting to Exhale

11/5/2013

Meditative doodle by moi, Katie Bagby

Movement and stillness. The in breath and the out breath. The most natural of rhythms.

And yet...when was the last time you were truly still?

When was the last time you exhaled?

Maybe you've been running around inhaling all of the time. Holding onto your breath and trying to inhale just a little bit more. Doing just one more thing. Taking on just one more project. Saying yes to just one more friend. Saying you'll help with just one more good cause. All good things. Really. And yet...

I don't remember who said it, but I've always liked this quote: "I don't care if you always inhale or always exhale, either way you're dead."

When was the last time you allowed yourself a big old exhale?

The exhale. It releases toxins. It relaxes the body. It calms the mind. It stabilizes your core muscles (and the core of your life). It allows you to let go. It makes room for a big, nourishing, effortless inhale. It makes room for what wants to happen next.

Today, I'm pausing to exhale. And you know what I'm noticing? The inhale naturally follows. Creative energy starts to bubble up. A joyful desire to move is wending it's way through my body (Helloooo, brisk walk! I'm on my way!).

I love this quote from my teacher Martha Beck in an interview at Oprah.com about the quickest legal route to joy: "Rest until you feel like playing, then play until you feel like resting, period. Never do anything else."

And for Martha (and me and you!), the idea is that you love what you're doing so much, that it all feels like play.

Inhale and exhale. Play and rest. Movement and stillness. Each nourishes the other. Each is essential to authentic, full-bodied living. Plus, it's sooo much better than being dead.

Stop waiting to exhale, dear one. Now is a perfect moment. The next inhale will come on its own. Promise.

Let me know how it goes in the comments below!

Forward>>

Plant your flag: Or, how I claimed my happiness

Try this:

Passion's great. But what if you don't know what you want?

Try this:

The #1 Reason You Must Put Your Passion First + 4 Tips for Getting Started

My Phrase for 2015: Passion First

Enough Love

Smart Cookie: 5 Ways to Be Your Own Best Valentine

Waiting to Exhale

Archives

Categories

Plant your flag: Or, how I claimed my happiness

Try this:

Passion's great. But what if you don't know what you want?

﻿Try this:﻿

The #1 Reason You Must Put Your Passion First + 4 Tips for Getting Started

My Phrase for 2015: Passion First

Enough Love

Smart Cookie: 5 Ways to Be Your Own Best Valentine

Waiting to Exhale

Archives

Categories

Try this: