I have been trying this thing lately when things feel out of control, and it’s working for me, so I thought I’d share it with you.
 
You find yourself in a situation that feels intolerable. Maybe it’s your job. Maybe your baseball team’s bull pen falls apart during the play-offs. Maybe it’s an intractable dynamic at work or with your toxic brother-in-law. Maybe it’s a health scare or unexpected illness. 
 
And this week, perhaps the most contentious, disturbing, and defining election in the history of the United States is unfolding.
 
There is so much we can’t control.

But wait—this is a terrible situation that has to change! I know! And I say, “Hell, Yes!” to positive change. Believe me, I wouldn’t be a life coach if I didn’t believe in change.
 
And may it come soon.
 
But in this moment of pain, just as a practical experiment, I invite you to try this:
 
“I accept this moment exactly as it is. I offer no resistance.”
 
Say it again. And again. Feel your in-breath and your out-breath while you say it.
 
Notice anything? When I’m all worked up and I remember to pull out this mantra, I immediately feel calmer. More spacious. More present. More able to respond.

This is the paradox: Rather than feeling disempowered, acceptance brings me back into my power.
 
Here’s what I think might be going on.
 
Resistance requires a lot of energy. It’s like trying to hold multiple beach balls under water at the same time.
 
When we stop expending our energy on resisting, on arguing with the reality of how things are in this moment, we come back into the present moment or what Eckhart Tolle calls “the power of now.”

In the present moment, we call our power and our ability to respond back to ourselves.

This present moment is where our wisdom and power reside. In fact, it can be argued that this present moment is the ONLY place our wisdom and power reside.
 
I accept.
 
This moment. 

Exactly as it is.
 
I offer no resistance.

I am not saying we roll over to inequality, injustice, oppression, or bad behavior.

Not at all.
 
I say let’s speak up as often and as mindfully and as loudly as we can, whether it is in loyalty to our own beloved self, or in loyalty to our siblings in the family of earth, and in particular those who are being oppressed.

Nor am I offering advice if your body is on the line and you are under physical attack (and many of our sisters and brothers are). Breathe, yes, and use every resource to get yourself as safe as possible.

Let’s use resistance as a signal to breathe.

Let’s create a clearing for your own wise voice to come through.
 
I find solace and a path toward wise action in these words from Eckhart Tolle in Practicing the Power of Now:

And so, dear one, today I invite you to notice resistance as a friend in disguise—not only to uncover what your heart truly desires—but also to open your heart and mind to the calm truth of where you are in this very moment. If there is pain in this moment, offer yourself self-compassion. Offer this moment acceptance.
 
I accept this moment exactly as it is. I offer no resistance.
 
I live here. Here is where my power lives. Here is where love lives. I will respond from here.
 
I send you love today.

Xoxo,

P.S. If noticing resistance uncovered what you're ready to change in your own life, and you'd like a coach and trusted guide to help, then let's chat! Schedule a complimentary Clarity Session here.

I have two questions for you.

1. What do you most crave?
2. What if what the world needs most is for you to do that?

Twelve years ago, the cravings of my heart became really loud and insistent. I was living a life of “service,” doing my best to give as much as I could, as often as I could, as well as I could, to communities and causes I loved.

Until I had nothing left to give.

With the best of intentions, I had worked myself into full-blown depletion.
 
My body was telling me in subtle and not-so-subtle ways that something had to change. Now.

In response to the pain of my body’s messages, I started going to an amazing massage therapist and intuitive healer.
 
In the quiet of those first sessions, probably after shedding some tears of exhaustion and the wounding that all too often happens in the course of mission-driven work, I let myself express what I truly craved.
 
More than anything, I craved OASIS. I craved rest. I craved quiet time for myself, by myself. I wanted to sit in stillness beside the river. For as long as I wanted.
 
I remember my massage therapist asking me this life-changing question:
 
“What if what the world needs most is for Katie to sit by the river?”

 WHAAAT??? How could that be? What does that do for anyone?
 
And yet, at some cellular level, I began to trust the wisdom of that craving.

I began to prioritize giving myself moments and days of oasis. I took time to sit by the river. I found my spirit reawakening. My creativity reawakening. My truth and my voice reawakening. My body healing. And as I came back to life, I began to bring moments of oasis and soulful reflection into my work with communities.
 
Over the course of time, that led me to the work that I do now. My coaching circle recently told me, “Katie you not only give people a place of oasis. You ARE oasis.”
 
It turns out that my massage therapist was right.
 
What the world needed most from me was for me to sit by the river.
 
In giving myself the gift of oasis, I healed.  I could become an oasis for the people I am here to serve. And I teach them to do that for themselves. So that THEY can tap into the wisdom of their deepest craving. So that they can free themselves to do what it is that the world needs from them most.

Really, these two questions are at the heart of my coaching practice.
 
First, I help clients uncover what it is that they truly crave.
 
And then we clear away the questions and guilt and accusations of selfishness that their inner mean girl or boy throws at them, so that with peace and trust, they can answer Question #2: What if what the world needs most is for me to do ______________?

Even if it doesn’t make sense.
 
Even if it looks “selfish.”
 
Even if you can’t see in practical terms how it could possibly be helpful to anyone but you. Right now.

(Listen--If you’re scared that what you truly crave isn’t serious enough or weighty enough, you must listen to this podcast from one of my all time favorite people, Elizabeth Gilbert:
http://maximumfun.org/magic-lessons/magic-lessons-ep-201-you-have-screaming-not-calling-featuring-sarah-jones)
 
The most powerful thing my clients and I do together is come into the oasis of stillness and renewal, where we listen to and honor what their hearts need to say.
 
So that they can be happy. So that they can live the life they crave. And so that they can do the work that is most naturally, joyfully theirs to do. Because coincidentally, that is what the world needs most from them.
 
For me it is to be oasis for myself and for the people I get to work with.
 
For you it may be something else.

Whatever it is, what if you trusted that there is wisdom in what you desire?

So I'm going to ask you these questions again:

• What do you most crave at this moment in your life?
• What if what the world needs most is for you to say, “Yes?”

​xoxo,

P.S. If you need help uncovering what it is you crave most, then work with me, Braveheart. It is in there. It is always in there. But you may need help clearing away what keeps you from seeing it. And that is one of the things I do best (because it makes me happy.)

Lately, I’m experiencing a new phenomenon, and I thank my lucky stars for it.
 
I'll be honest with you. In recent months, I've been dealing with the frustration--I mean, serious frustration--of “not knowing what to do” about sticky family problems and leadership decisions. And it hasn't always been pretty.

So I've been trying this new thing. I'm not sure why it works, but it's making a big difference for me, so I'm running with it!  

I call it "Active Resting."

Teacher Dan Howard calls it “Intentional Resting,” and teaches it as a method of reducing stress and bringing healing to the body.

I learned it from my coaching mentor and teacher, Martha Beck. This quote from her arrived from in my mailbox a couple of months ago and not a moment too soon. I was at my wit's end with how to resolve a challenging (and increasingly frustrating) situation.

While Martha is talking about intentional resting to manifest what we want, I’m also finding this principle to be especially useful when I have a leadership decision to make, or a thorny situation to address.

First, let's look at what Active Resting isn't.

• Active resting is not avoiding or ignoring
• Active resting is not pushing away worry or thoughts about the problem
• Active resting is not being passive

 
Active Resting is a proactive choice.

Active Resting is consciously saying to yourself, “For this moment (or 30 minutes, or this day) I am choosing to actively rest from this question or problem.”
 
In doing this, I open myself up to trust. I am trusting that I will know what I need to do when the time comes. I am trusting that this problem has its own wisdom or magic that needs to do its work apart from my attention.
 
What is magic about this?

• Active resting helps me wrap my head around the concept of “surrender” and allows the Universe and other forces beyond me to do their work.
• Active resting loosens the grip on my unhelpful and unrealistic need to try to control the situation or other people (as if!).
• Active resting shifts my mind into a place of peace, which is where my best ideas always originate.
• Active resting creates space in my mind, heart, and body for wisdom and intuition to come through.

 
Hint: Wisdom and intuition almost never arise because of forceful interrogation or pushing.

Wisdom and intuition arise when we create open and receptive space within ourselves for them to arise.
 
Active resting also has this added benefit: It enables me to be present with what I’m doing right now, rather than having distracting thoughts and worry about this dilemma drag on my mind.
 
It takes a lot of energy to keep worry at bay—it’s like trying to keep multiple beach balls under water at once.

You don't need to waste your precious energy doing that, Dearheart!

1. Pause and acknowledge the problem/dilemma/question.
2. Now, take 3 deep breaths and ask yourself, “Is any action required right now, in this minute?” (I find that usually the answer is no. If the answer is yes, then ask yourself, “What is the next right action to take?” Then do that.)
3. If the answer is no, then try this. Tell yourself, “For the next 30 seconds (minutes, days) I choose to actively rest from this problem. I trust that wisdom will come.”
4. Notice the feeling of spaciousness that opens up in your mind and body. (Ever notice how tight trying to control things feels?)
5. Now, watch for a shift to occur in the situation and/or people involved, including you. Watch for your own wisdom to arise.

Letting go of the unrealistic need to control things opens up more room for everyone involved to take right action. You only need to take YOUR right action, love.
 
Xoxo,

P.S. And heck, if you need something to do while you rest, you should probably just dance for a while. Kiko Bun is here to help you lighten up about your "Sticky Situation." 

In a life that demands 110% of your energy and attention--especially if you feel like your job is sucking the life out of you--you need an oasis to rejuvenate yourself on a daily basis, while you figure out what you want instead. That’s what Burnout Busters are--powerful, compact tools to reduce stress, calm your mind and body, and connect you to your wiser, more creative self.

Today’s Burnout Buster will not only change your day, it can change your life, one step at a time. It's called, “Just Enough.”

Say you’ve made a commitment to yourself to move your body every day. Maybe, ideally for you, that means a 45-minute walk, or a 30-minute run, or that hour and half yoga class.
 
But...your day doesn’t go as planned.
 
You’re on deadline at work. A family need you weren’t expecting comes up. The sun is going down so flippin’ early! Your plane/train/traffic/meeting made you late.

And so, since you don’t have time to do your *ideal workout* you give up on it for the day. And maybe the day after that. And the day after that.
 
In the meantime...

• Your body doesn’t feel very good. 
• You’re beating yourself up a little bit.
• You’re starting to resent the person or thing that kept you from it.

 
The exact opposite of what you were hoping for.

Now time feels like an adversary. If we let it, “not enough” (time, money, patience, happiness) can become our marching beat. “Not enough. Not enough. Not enough. Dammit. Not Enough”
 
Meanwhile, the negative soundtrack takes up a lot of space in your head and only adds more stress.

It takes what you do have and runs it through life’s Incredible Shrinky Dink Maker, but not with happy results. 
 
What if, instead of fighting against time, and deciding we don’t have enough, we were able to turn time into our ally?
 
Here’s a powerful little tool I learned from Dr. Kathy Cramer, founder of the Cramer Institute for leadership development and architect of Assets Based Thinking.

It's called "Just Enough."

Whenever I remember to use it, my mindset makes a powerful shift from “Aw, h*ll!” to “Oh, hey!” (Kind of like that mind shift from “If Only...” to “What If?”)

1.  Acknowledge. “Okay, so right now I don’t have enough time/money/energy to do _______ like I wanted to.”
 
2.  Return to what you desire. “But that doesn’t mean I have to give up on _________ entirely. I really want this for myself.”
 
3.  Ask. What do I have just enough time to do?
 
For example, if you want to move your body everyday, it could look like this:

• I have just enough time to walk down the bike path and back for 20 minutes.
• I have just enough time to do a quick round of yoga sun salutations.
• I have just enough time to climb a few flights of stairs in the hotel.
• I have just enough time to put on some music and dance to one song (here’s my go-to happy song--Sound of Sunshine by Michael Franti).

 
4. Act. Seize the moment and give yourself the gift of Just Enough.
 
Immediate result: You have moved your body and I’ll bet you a dark chocolate peanut butter cup that your body and mind feel much better.
 
Deeper result: In that moment, you have said, “Yes” to what your heart desires.
Your inner self now knows you are committed to what your heart desires. You are building self-trust. And that strengthens your trust muscles to do it again. And again.
 
This is a simple example for enhancing your health and reducing your stress on a daily basis. And day-by-day that builds toward a happier, healthier life.
 
But I propose that it also applies to inviting more of what you love in your life, especially if right now you’re still spending a lot of time and energy in a job or commitment that’s sucking the life out of you. (We can change that. I’d love to help you.)
 
Today, what do you have “Just Enough” time/money/energy/ideas to do that will move you one step closer toward work that you love and a life that energizes you?
 
Take that one, small, warm step. You’re telling your heart “Yes.” You’re building self-trust for bigger leaps.
 
Declare it in the comments on the blog and then let us know how it goes!
 
Xoxo,

Not too long ago, I met with a woman who yearned to create something beautiful and powerful. She was born to create it. She knew she was here to create it. She had the talent and skill to create it.

Here's what I think might be going on here. In my own life, and with the many wonderful women I get to work with, I've noticed that almost as soon as we start to identify what we truly desire, we slam right up against all of the reasons we can't have it.

And we shut down.

Or, we look longingly at our fading dream as if it's the mythical city of Camelot, fantasizing, "If only things could be different..."

• If only I had a job I loved.
• If only I didn’t have so much debt, then I could _______.
• If only I didn’t have to do ______, then I could do what I love.

 
Oh girlfriend! I have spent so much time wandering around in that wilderness! And I’ll bet you have too. It's what I call the If Only Trap.
 
If only there were a way to turn it around... ; )
 
Oh, but there is!

Start here. Ask: “What if?”
 
One of my favorite examples of what happens when we stop saying "If only..." and instead ask, "What if?" comes from Master Coach Susan Hyatt. Susan leads incredibly delicious retreats life transformation retreats in beautiful destinations across the world. But this wasn’t always so. For years, she yearned to travel internationally. But her husband? He’s more of a “Let’s go the lake house every weekend” kind of guy. So Susan put off her yearning for years. Decades. “If only he would travel with me...”
 
Until one day Susan asked herself, “Hey! What if I create this MYSELF, with my business?” Since that day, Susan has been creating fabulous coaching retreats for herself and other women in gorgeous locations in Italy, Thailand, Ireland. BAM!

Notice the tremendous energy shift when we move from "If only..." to "What if?"

And so, dear Heroine, where have you been wandering around in the wilderness of "If only..."?

What is YOUR "What if?"

• What if I can do more of what I love?
• What if I can create more time for myself?​
• What if my family doesn’t resent me for taking the time to do what I love? What if I find a way to do it anyway?
• What if I can say “no” to that job that squashes my soul? (Maybe it's time to set your graduation date.)

Everyday for the next week, question any thought that sucks energy away from what you truly desire.
 
1. Notice when you bump up against "I can't" or "If only..."

“I can’t...”
“This won’t work...”
“If only I could...”
 
2. Calm the thought. Tell it, “Yes, I see you. I see that you’re just trying to keep me safe. Thank you. I’ve got this.”
 
3. Now ask yourself, “What If?”
 
What if I can do _________.
What if it does work?
What if I don’t have to? What if I can say “no” to something I don’t love?
​What if I say "yes" to what I yearn for?
 
Ask with curiosity. Ask with true wonder. Ask with a sense of possibility.
 
Notice how you feel. (Doesn’t that feel more powerful?)
 
Well done, Soulful Heroine! You’ve just created a big opening for creative inspiration and new ideas and insights to come in.
 
Watch for it.
 
Listen for it.
 
Thank it.

Act on it.
 
And then tell us about your "What if?" in the comments below!

xo,

My sweet old Dad died recently. 

It’s been a long and arduous journey for him, for us, for me these past couple of years. And my mom’s needs continue to grow. We don’t know how long the journey ahead will be. We only know that love calls us to journey onward.

I miss him terribly. And I’m tired.

Lately, my throat aches with sadness and exhaustion.

Yesterday, my greatest wish was to feel vitality again. To want to go for a walk instead of dragging myself out for one. To want to greet the world and be a shiny presence that connects and inspires and heals. But I didn't feel very shiny.

By now, I know enough to allow myself to be *exactly* as I am. (Have you tried it?)

And so, I let go of driving myself and shifted to allowing myself.

I did what absolutely had to be done, and then I focused on nourishment. 

I read. I napped. I baked a chicken for myself and my love. I poured myself a splash of hearty red wine in a handmade earthen vessel. I put together a little plate of stinky cheese and healthy crackers and salty olives. I started a good novel. I sipped and savored while the chicken baked. I watched a little baseball and went easy on the boys when they lost. And I tucked myself in with my sweetheart at 9pm.

This morning, I woke at 4:15. I stayed tucked in the cocoon of my comforter and read essays written by that gloriously imperfect human, Anne Lamott. For hours. Then I soaked in the hot tub and showered. Then I made a cup of tea and meditated. Then I fed myself a plate of simple, fresh food.

Serious nourishment, all before 9am.  

(Note: Sometimes nourishment looks like sleeping ‘til 10).

As you may recall, my Word of the Year is “Passion First.” I’ve been writing it on my planner nearly everyday this year.

Except lately. I’ve been avoiding it because I have felt so utterly spent that "passion" felt like a long forgotten vacation. “Passion First” used to feel like permission to pursue my passion before any of my other work. Lately, has been feeling like a task master. A “should” that I could never attain.

This morning’s guided meditation was on compassion. As I allowed my busy brain to empty, it slowly dawned on me that my cup has run dry. 

Bone dry.

And the only way to refill my cup of passion is to pour a splash of hearty (com)passion into this earthen vessel and lift it to my own parched lips. Sip by tiny sip. 

That's what I started to do yesterday. And so, just a few hours later, I find myself writing a love letter to you, my beautiful tribe, to share a tiny sip of (com)passion with you too. 

Perhaps you are juggling many things that seem to be taking you away from your true passion. Perhaps you are still working hard in the land of “Not Yet” as you envision the life and work you really want. But “not yet” is still requiring a LOT of energy.

It’s enough to dry your creative juices right up.

The antidote? Self (com)passion.

Give yourself permission, Dearheart.

What is one gift of compassion you can pour into your own earthen cup today?

Do that. Lift it to your own precious lips and drink. And let us know about it in the comments below.

Much, much love,

Katie

P.S. My throat doesn't ache so much anymore.

If you’re like me, you juggle many good things. (I have three business pursuits and a volunteer nonprofit.) The categories of to-dos can be overwhelming, let alone the to-dos themselves.

But I have an unswerving passion for this: When I coach soulful women and men to rekindle their passion and do work they love, it is magical. I am in the sweet spot of my passion.

It is without a doubt what I’m here to do. And I don’t want it to get lost in the shuffle of other good things.

So this is my mantra for 2015: Passion First.

I’ll bet you have persistent passion too, even if it’s not how you’re making your living - yet. Is it photography? Healing people and the planet? Writing? Bringing order to chaos?

As we dive into 2015, I invite you: Put your passion first.

Why? There are lots of good reasons, like being true to you, being happy, etc. But here is the #1 reason:

Because no one else is going to do it for you.

From today on, and every day in 2015, when sit down to plan my day, I’m going to ask myself, “What if I put my passion first?”

I invite you to join me.

Put Passion First.

Because it’s too darned easy to lose sight of your passion in the many things of the day.

In 2015 I am choosing to arrange my days so that my Passion gets nourished first, tiny step by tiny step.

Want to join me? Here are a few tips for getting started:

1. Give it love: Every day give your passion your attention - even for just a few minutes. Learn, play, meditate, brainstorm, daydream in the arena of your passion, even if the rest of the day is devoted to other projects. 
   
2. Make time: Set aside a chunk of minutes or hours in your day, a day a week or a day a month, to inspire, nourish, and grow your passion. Make time to create. 
   
3. Make room: What can you let go of to make room for your passion? Is there some activity that no longer feeds you? Something that distracts you? I invite you to let it go, darling. Give your passion room to grow, and it will!
   
4. Take a step: Take a small but meaningful step in the direction of your passion. Research it. Update your resume. Set up a conversation with someone you admire who does it. Choose an image or symbol that reminds you of it and put it somewhere you will see it often.
   

Here’s what I know for sure. When you put your passion first, you send a powerful message to yourself and to the Universe, that you mean business.

What is one tiny step you can take today to move your passion from the background into the foreground of your life? What is one way you can give your passion some love - even if it’s just for 15 minutes - today?

Declare it! And let us know in the comments below!

P.S. Want some help excavating your passion? That’s my favorite work. If you’d like some 1:1 guidance for living your passion and purpose, meet me here.

I was feeling a little Grinch-y and starting to beat myself up...just a little bit. I was feeling the little hamster on the wheel in my belly start to wind up with that feeling that I really ought to be doing something.

New Year’s resolutions. Intentions. Goals. Ugh.

I mean, aren’t the holidays overloaded ENOUGH, without having to think about improving myself too???

Maybe you can relate.

So this year, when I felt that “hurry up and reflect” hamster in my belly, first, I noticed it.

Next, I checked in with what I wanted to feel this holiday season: Playful. Spacious. Connected.

Finally, I asked myself what I wanted to do. Besides enjoying all of the celebrations, I wanted to enjoy this rare time off with my schoolteacher sweetie. I wanted to sleep in together. To read books. To watch movies. To go for walks and watch for birds. To hike in the woods. To tie up loose ends. To sip some fauxnog (lactose intolerant).

So I let myself off the hook. (Maybe you could too).

I knew that once everyone was back at work and the last holiday had been celebrated and the last weekend savored, I’d be ready to go inward and reflect. And guess what?  I was.

I still haven’t set any resolutions, and I probably won’t. But here’s an easy ritual I love that you might like too:

• I invite in a word or a phrase for the year. I use it as a guiding light for my actions on a daily basis. (Christine Kane writes a great article for how you can do that too).
  

So far, this is my phrase for 2015:

Passion First.

In fact, next week's blog is all about putting your passion first.

Do you have a word or a phrase for this year? What is it? I’d love to hear about it.

Xo,

Katie