Lately, I’m experiencing a new phenomenon, and I thank my lucky stars for it.
 
I'll be honest with you. In recent months, I've been dealing with the frustration--I mean, serious frustration--of “not knowing what to do” about sticky family problems and leadership decisions. And it hasn't always been pretty.

So I've been trying this new thing. I'm not sure why it works, but it's making a big difference for me, so I'm running with it!  

I call it "Active Resting."

Teacher Dan Howard calls it “Intentional Resting,” and teaches it as a method of reducing stress and bringing healing to the body.

I learned it from my coaching mentor and teacher, Martha Beck. This quote from her arrived from in my mailbox a couple of months ago and not a moment too soon. I was at my wit's end with how to resolve a challenging (and increasingly frustrating) situation.

While Martha is talking about intentional resting to manifest what we want, I’m also finding this principle to be especially useful when I have a leadership decision to make, or a thorny situation to address.

First, let's look at what Active Resting isn't.

• Active resting is not avoiding or ignoring
• Active resting is not pushing away worry or thoughts about the problem
• Active resting is not being passive

 
Active Resting is a proactive choice.

Active Resting is consciously saying to yourself, “For this moment (or 30 minutes, or this day) I am choosing to actively rest from this question or problem.”
 
In doing this, I open myself up to trust. I am trusting that I will know what I need to do when the time comes. I am trusting that this problem has its own wisdom or magic that needs to do its work apart from my attention.
 
What is magic about this?

• Active resting helps me wrap my head around the concept of “surrender” and allows the Universe and other forces beyond me to do their work.
• Active resting loosens the grip on my unhelpful and unrealistic need to try to control the situation or other people (as if!).
• Active resting shifts my mind into a place of peace, which is where my best ideas always originate.
• Active resting creates space in my mind, heart, and body for wisdom and intuition to come through.

 
Hint: Wisdom and intuition almost never arise because of forceful interrogation or pushing.

Wisdom and intuition arise when we create open and receptive space within ourselves for them to arise.
 
Active resting also has this added benefit: It enables me to be present with what I’m doing right now, rather than having distracting thoughts and worry about this dilemma drag on my mind.
 
It takes a lot of energy to keep worry at bay—it’s like trying to keep multiple beach balls under water at once.

You don't need to waste your precious energy doing that, Dearheart!

1. Pause and acknowledge the problem/dilemma/question.
2. Now, take 3 deep breaths and ask yourself, “Is any action required right now, in this minute?” (I find that usually the answer is no. If the answer is yes, then ask yourself, “What is the next right action to take?” Then do that.)
3. If the answer is no, then try this. Tell yourself, “For the next 30 seconds (minutes, days) I choose to actively rest from this problem. I trust that wisdom will come.”
4. Notice the feeling of spaciousness that opens up in your mind and body. (Ever notice how tight trying to control things feels?)
5. Now, watch for a shift to occur in the situation and/or people involved, including you. Watch for your own wisdom to arise.

Letting go of the unrealistic need to control things opens up more room for everyone involved to take right action. You only need to take YOUR right action, love.
 
Xoxo,

P.S. And heck, if you need something to do while you rest, you should probably just dance for a while. Kiko Bun is here to help you lighten up about your "Sticky Situation." 

There I was, having a moment of fear and insecurity in my relationship. Even in this most loving and trustworthy of relationships, I still have those moments. I "knew" it really had nothing to do with my sweetheart and everything to do with me. 

But nevertheless, there it was. Not going away.

I don't know about you, but I have a whole bag of tricks for situations like this. Push it away. Make the other person wrong. Try to talk myself out of it. Stuff it. Yeah, THOSE work real well. Not going away.

This time, I tried something different. I tried what Martha Beck calls "learning to avoid avoidance." I allowed myself to feel it. I paused and breathed. I noticed what the fear and insecurity felt like in my body - heavy and thick and tight in my chest. I kept breathing. Not trying to fix it or make it change, just noticing. Just feeling and breathing. Staying with it.

And you know what? After a minute or two I felt it loosen, myself loosen. I opened up, and in that opening, this little gem dropped in like a big juicy raindrop:

"There will always be enough love in the Universe for me."

Whoosh. The scary emotions dissipated, and in their place was a deep, centered knowing. A knowing that no matter what happens in this relationship, that friendship, this human encounter, there is enough love in the world for me. 

That was the message I needed to hear in that moment. I don't know why it made such a big difference, but it did. Maybe it speaks to you. Maybe it doesn't. You need the message that will speak to you.

Here's the point, Love. When I allowed myself to feel what I was feeling, to quit pushing it away, to breathe into it with compassion, I created the space for my own inner wisdom to speak to me. 

When you honor your own beautiful soul, I believe it will speak you, too, with just the message you need to hear right now. 

Give it a try. And let me know what happens in the comments below.