Category: Self Care

A Mantra to Soften Your Day

11/7/2016

I have been trying this thing lately when things feel out of control, and it’s working for me, so I thought I’d share it with you.

You find yourself in a situation that feels intolerable. Maybe it’s your job. Maybe your baseball team’s bull pen falls apart during the play-offs. Maybe it’s an intractable dynamic at work or with your toxic brother-in-law. Maybe it’s a health scare or unexpected illness.

And this week, perhaps the most contentious, disturbing, and defining election in the history of the United States is unfolding.

There is so much we can’t control.

In this moment, I offer you a mantra that has served me well in recent years. I learned it from my teacher and mentor, Martha Beck. Here it is:

"I accept this moment exactly as it is. I offer no resistance."

But wait—this is a terrible situation that has to change! I know! And I say, “Hell, Yes!” to positive change. Believe me, I wouldn’t be a life coach if I didn’t believe in change.

And may it come soon.

But in this moment of pain, just as a practical experiment, I invite you to try this:

“I accept this moment exactly as it is. I offer no resistance.”

Say it again. And again. Feel your in-breath and your out-breath while you say it.

Notice anything? When I’m all worked up and I remember to pull out this mantra, I immediately feel calmer. More spacious. More present. More able to respond.

This is the paradox: Rather than feeling disempowered, acceptance brings me back into my power.

Here’s what I think might be going on.

Resistance requires a lot of energy. It’s like trying to hold multiple beach balls under water at the same time.

When we stop expending our energy on resisting, on arguing with the reality of how things are in this moment, we come back into the present moment or what Eckhart Tolle calls “the power of now.”

In the present moment, we call our power and our ability to respond back to ourselves.

This present moment is where our wisdom and power reside. In fact, it can be argued that this present moment is the ONLY place our wisdom and power reside.

I accept.

This moment.

Exactly as it is.

I offer no resistance.

What I am not saying:

I am not saying we roll over to inequality, injustice, oppression, or bad behavior.

Not at all.

I say let’s speak up as often and as mindfully and as loudly as we can, whether it is in loyalty to our own beloved self, or in loyalty to our siblings in the family of earth, and in particular those who are being oppressed.

Nor am I offering advice if your body is on the line and you are under physical attack (and many of our sisters and brothers are). Breathe, yes, and use every resource to get yourself as safe as possible.

What I am saying is this:

Let’s use resistance as a signal to breathe.

Let’s create a clearing for your own wise voice to come through.

I find solace and a path toward wise action in these words from Eckhart Tolle in Practicing the Power of Now:

IF YOUR OVERALL SITUATION IS UNSATISFACTORY or unpleasant, separate out this instant and surrender to what is. That's the flashlight cutting through the fog. Your state of consciousness then ceases to be controlled by external conditions. You are no longer coming from reaction and resistance.

Then look at the specifics of the situation. Ask yourself, “Is there anything I can do to change the situation, improve it, or remove myself from it?” If so, take appropriate action. Focus not on the hundred things that you will or may have to do at some future time but on the one thing that you can do now. This doesn't mean you should not do any planning. It may well be that planning is the one thing you can do now.”

And so, dear one, today I invite you to notice resistance as a friend in disguise—not only to uncover what your heart truly desires—but also to open your heart and mind to the calm truth of where you are in this very moment. If there is pain in this moment, offer yourself self-compassion. Offer this moment acceptance.

I accept this moment exactly as it is. I offer no resistance.

I live here. Here is where my power lives. Here is where love lives. I will respond from here.

I send you love today.

Xoxo,

P.S. If noticing resistance uncovered what you're ready to change in your own life, and you'd like a coach and trusted guide to help, then let's chat! Schedule a complimentary Clarity Session here.

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When You Don't Know What to Do in a Sticky Situation

6/13/2016

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Lately, I’m experiencing a new phenomenon, and I thank my lucky stars for it.

I'll be honest with you. In recent months, I've been dealing with the frustration--I mean, serious frustration--of “not knowing what to do” about sticky family problems and leadership decisions. And it hasn't always been pretty.

So I've been trying this new thing. I'm not sure why it works, but it's making a big difference for me, so I'm running with it!

I call it "Active Resting."

Teacher Dan Howard calls it “Intentional Resting,” and teaches it as a method of reducing stress and bringing healing to the body.

I learned it from my coaching mentor and teacher, Martha Beck. This quote from her arrived from in my mailbox a couple of months ago and not a moment too soon. I was at my wit's end with how to resolve a challenging (and increasingly frustrating) situation.

Choose one thing you are trying to manifest into your material experience — good health, a relationship, more money, friends, whatever. Spend 30 seconds resting for these things: “I am resting for the friends I am about to meet now; I am resting for my bank account now; I am resting for my good luck now.” As simple as this exercise obviously is, I have been flabbergasted by how powerful its effects can be. Whatever it is you hope to attract, add a little extra twist by resting rather than forcing the result. ~Martha Beck

While Martha is talking about intentional resting to manifest what we want, I’m also finding this principle to be especially useful when I have a leadership decision to make, or a thorny situation to address.

First, let's look at what Active Resting isn't.

What "Active Resting" is Not

Active resting is not avoiding or ignoring
Active resting is not pushing away worry or thoughts about the problem
Active resting is not being passive

Active Resting is a proactive choice.

Active Resting is consciously saying to yourself, “For this moment (or 30 minutes, or this day) I am choosing to actively rest from this question or problem.”

In doing this, I open myself up to trust. I am trusting that I will know what I need to do when the time comes. I am trusting that this problem has its own wisdom or magic that needs to do its work apart from my attention.

What is magic about this?

Active resting helps me wrap my head around the concept of “surrender” and allows the Universe and other forces beyond me to do their work.
Active resting loosens the grip on my unhelpful and unrealistic need to try to control the situation or other people (as if!).
Active resting shifts my mind into a place of peace, which is where my best ideas always originate.
Active resting creates space in my mind, heart, and body for wisdom and intuition to come through.

Hint: Wisdom and intuition almost never arise because of forceful interrogation or pushing.

Wisdom and intuition arise when we create open and receptive space within ourselves for them to arise.

Active resting also has this added benefit: It enables me to be present with what I’m doing right now, rather than having distracting thoughts and worry about this dilemma drag on my mind.

It takes a lot of energy to keep worry at bay—it’s like trying to keep multiple beach balls under water at once.

You don't need to waste your precious energy doing that, Dearheart!

Try This:

Pause and acknowledge the problem/dilemma/question.
Now, take 3 deep breaths and ask yourself, “Is any action required right now, in this minute?” (I find that usually the answer is no. If the answer is yes, then ask yourself, “What is the next right action to take?” Then do that.)
If the answer is no, then try this. Tell yourself, “For the next 30 seconds (minutes, days) I choose to actively rest from this problem. I trust that wisdom will come.”
Notice the feeling of spaciousness that opens up in your mind and body. (Ever notice how tight trying to control things feels?)
Now, watch for a shift to occur in the situation and/or people involved, including you. Watch for your own wisdom to arise.

Letting go of the unrealistic need to control things opens up more room for everyone involved to take right action. You only need to take YOUR right action, love.

Xoxo,

P.S. And heck, if you need something to do while you rest, you should probably just dance for a while. Kiko Bun is here to help you lighten up about your "Sticky Situation."

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Burnout Buster: When "not enough time" keeps you from what you want

3/8/2016

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In a life that demands 110% of your energy and attention--especially if you feel like your job is sucking the life out of you--you need an oasis to rejuvenate yourself on a daily basis, while you figure out what you want instead. That’s what Burnout Busters are--powerful, compact tools to reduce stress, calm your mind and body, and connect you to your wiser, more creative self.

Today’s Burnout Buster will not only change your day, it can change your life, one step at a time. It's called, “Just Enough.”

Say you’ve made a commitment to yourself to move your body every day. Maybe, ideally for you, that means a 45-minute walk, or a 30-minute run, or that hour and half yoga class.

But...your day doesn’t go as planned.

You’re on deadline at work. A family need you weren’t expecting comes up. The sun is going down so flippin’ early! Your plane/train/traffic/meeting made you late.

And so, since you don’t have time to do your *ideal workout* you give up on it for the day. And maybe the day after that. And the day after that.

In the meantime...

Your body doesn’t feel very good.
You’re beating yourself up a little bit.
You’re starting to resent the person or thing that kept you from it.

The exact opposite of what you were hoping for.

Now time feels like an adversary. If we let it, “not enough” (time, money, patience, happiness) can become our marching beat. “Not enough. Not enough. Not enough. Dammit. Not Enough”

Meanwhile, the negative soundtrack takes up a lot of space in your head and only adds more stress.

It takes what you do have and runs it through life’s Incredible Shrinky Dink Maker, but not with happy results.

What if, instead of fighting against time, and deciding we don’t have enough, we were able to turn time into our ally?

Here’s a powerful little tool I learned from Dr. Kathy Cramer, founder of the Cramer Institute for leadership development and architect of Assets Based Thinking.

It's called "Just Enough."

Whenever I remember to use it, my mindset makes a powerful shift from “Aw, h*ll!” to “Oh, hey!” (Kind of like that mind shift from “If Only...” to “What If?”)

Try This:

1. Acknowledge. “Okay, so right now I don’t have enough time/money/energy to do _______ like I wanted to.”

2. Return to what you desire. “But that doesn’t mean I have to give up on _________ entirely. I really want this for myself.”

3. Ask. What do I have just enough time to do?

For example, if you want to move your body everyday, it could look like this:

I have just enough time to walk down the bike path and back for 20 minutes.
I have just enough time to do a quick round of yoga sun salutations.
I have just enough time to climb a few flights of stairs in the hotel.
I have just enough time to put on some music and dance to one song (here’s my go-to happy song--Sound of Sunshine by Michael Franti).

4. Act. Seize the moment and give yourself the gift of Just Enough.

Immediate result: You have moved your body and I’ll bet you a dark chocolate peanut butter cup that your body and mind feel much better.

Deeper result: In that moment, you have said, “Yes” to what your heart desires.
Your inner self now knows you are committed to what your heart desires. You are building self-trust. And that strengthens your trust muscles to do it again. And again.

This is a simple example for enhancing your health and reducing your stress on a daily basis. And day-by-day that builds toward a happier, healthier life.

But I propose that it also applies to inviting more of what you love in your life, especially if right now you’re still spending a lot of time and energy in a job or commitment that’s sucking the life out of you. (We can change that. I’d love to help you.)

Today, what do you have “Just Enough” time/money/energy/ideas to do that will move you one step closer toward work that you love and a life that energizes you?

Take that one, small, warm step. You’re telling your heart “Yes.” You’re building self-trust for bigger leaps.

Declare it in the comments on the blog and then let us know how it goes!

Xoxo,

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Begin 2016 Here: I am Enough

1/9/2016

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There is in all visible things an invisible fecundity, a hidden wholeness. ~ Thomas Merton, The Book of Hours

I don’t know about you, but 2015 kicked my *ss. And it kicked the *sses of a lot of people I love. For many of us, 2015 required levels of strength, honesty, leadership, and emotional reserves we didn’t know we had.

And so, I am easing into my visions and plans for 2016 slowly and gently.

If you’re already crystal clear on what you want to create in 2016, that’s wonderful. Ride that wave!

But if you’re just beginning to think about it, join me this month. You’re right on time, Dearheart. Over the next four weeks, we’re going to deep dive into our Wisest Self, and start creating our best 2016, from the inside out.

Here’s where we begin: You are enough, just as you are.

Sometimes, especially if the holidays left us feeling off our center, resolutions and goals can be self-criticism in disguise. (I'm grateful to Nick Ortner for this insight).

When you lose X pounds, then you’ll be worthy.

When you land X job, then you’ll be worthy.

When you can run X miles, then you’ll really be rocking it.

Do I want you to lose weight you don’t need anymore? To land that job that challenges and nourishes you? To feel the strength of being able to run X miles?

If it’s what your soul craves, YES!

But you’ll have so much more chance of success (and feeling good) when you move toward that vision from a place of love and desire, rather than because you’re running to keep your Inner Critic at bay.

Let’s not make resolutions driven by fear. Because you and I, we are too beautiful and powerful for that.

Instead, I invite you to set intentions from a place of wholeness and desire.

I invite you to listen to your Inner Heroine. She is authentic. She is powerful. And she is wise.

She knows where you’re feeling called to something deeper. Something more. Something richer.

She knows you may not YET have everything in place to create this thing you long for. But she knows this: She is fundamentally sure of your wholeness, your resilience, and your ability to figure stuff out as it comes. And she can guide you to get the help and tools you need to bring your desire to life.

She knows you are ALREADY whole. Already worthy of love and happiness.

Just as you are.

Today.

Before you accomplish X.

Try This:

Breathe in: I am already Whole.
Breathe out: Yes, I am Whole.

Breathe in: I am already Worthy.
Breathe out: Yes, I am Worthy.

Breathe in: I am already Enough.
Breathe out: Yes, I am Enough.

(You can go ahead and smile while you do this, because your Inner Heroine totally knows this.)

Now, from this place of wholeness, worthiness, and enough-ness, ask your wise Inner Self, these questions and allow the answers to come to you:

What matters most to me right now?
What do I yearn for?
What do I crave most in this new year of my life?
In order to create this, is there anything I need to let go of?
What’s my next right step?

What came up for you? Would you like to declare it? You can do that in the comments below. I’m here to cheer you on!

Much love,

P.S. Want to Create Your Best 2016 with me in person? Join me for a special Day Retreat Jan 23.

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Burnout Buster: The Coloring Oasis

10/6/2015

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"According to clinical psychologist Ben Michaelis, coloring is a stress-free activity that relaxes the amygdala — the fear center of the brain — and allows your mind to get the rest it needs." ~Kristian Wilson

For years, my husband Ron taught alternative education in a continuation high school. Many of these kids lived more traumatic, chaotic, and unstable lives than most of us can imagine. On days when they seemed particularly agitated, he would pull out the art supplies and coloring books and let them color for awhile.

It was the quietest and calmest they ever were. Doodling and coloring created an oasis for their minds and bodies. And then they could focus on the work at hand. They could respond to the challenges of the moment with greater calm, empathy, and creativity

I hope and trust that your life has more stability than my husband's students, dear friend.

Nevertheless, in a life that demands 110% of your energy and attention, I have a hunch that you, too, need an oasis to calm your mind. To come home to your center. To open to your wiser, more creative self.

Ready to reduce stress? Grab your crayons

Psychologists are finding that coloring is an effective way to reduce stress.

Coloring is an activity that engages different hemispheres of the brain, and relaxes the amygdala - the part of the brain that regulates emotions affected by fear and stress. And it helps move us into a freer and more creative state.

That's why therapists have been prescribing it to their clients since the days of Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung. Read more about the many benefits of coloring here.

When my mind is agitated and I can't see my next step, or my monkey mind is too busy swinging from vine to vine to meditate, I reach for my markers and colored pencils. And it calms me right down. And it opens up my creative wisdom.

Sometimes I write a meditative phrase, and I doodle and color around it:

And sometimes, I just draw a doodle line and color it:

I even do tiny 2-inch doodles in the notes section of my planner, just to kick off my day with creative calm.

Try This: Take a 5-minute coloring break

1. Give yourself 5 minutes and just color. No need for perfection. No great expectations. Just follow your instincts for what color to choose next. No judging allowed!

You can draw your own doodle line--just place your pen on the page and let it go into curves and loops without ever lifting it from the page. Then grab your crayons or colored pencils (office highlighters will work in a pinch!) and color away.

Or, if you want to just start coloring right away, here's a simple one to get you started.

Just click on the "Doodle Oasis" file below and print it out.

doodleoasis.pdf
File Size:	18 kb
File Type:	pdf

Download File

2. Notice the physical sensations you feel as you color. What does your head feel like? What does your chest feel like? This is what calming your brain feels like.

3. Notice if anything has shifted--your energy, your mood, your perspective. Does anything look different? Welcome any ideas that come up. But if not, don't worry. Just giving yourself 5 minutes of stress-reducing calm has just done your mind and body a world of good.

Ready for more? There are some great coloring books for adults out there. Walk into any bookstore or art supply, and you're likely to see a few. And a quick search online will bring up a plethora of options for stress-relieving designs.

Do you have a favorite coloring book? Let us know in the comments below!

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Burnout Buster: The Gratitude Shift

8/4/2015

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"To live a life of gratitude is to open our eyes to the countless ways we are supported by the world around us" ~Gregg Krech

You're doing good things. You're still performing.

But your energy's lower than it used to be. You're a little bit cranky about the to-do list. You're fantasizing about how you can get out of ________ (insert your dreaded event here). Wondering what happened to your mojo. (You used to rock this job!)

You know the feeling... Burnout.

Burnout can mean a lot of things.

It may be your body's signal that it's time for you to graduate from something you've outgrown in your life so you can embrace something new. It may mean that you need to make more time for self-care.

Either way, we want you feeling better (1) so you can enjoy your life to its fullest, and (2) so you have the clarity and vision to create the changes you want in your life.

We'll have lots of articles in the coming months exploring what's underneath that burnout and what it's telling you. But today, I'm introducing a new series to help you start healing from burnout right away: Burnout Busters.

This first Burnout Buster will not only change your day, it can change your life: The Gratitude Shift

When I am feeling burnt out with life’s obligations, one of the surest ways to shift how I feel is to practice gratitude.

I’m not talking about the guilty “I’m-such-an-ungrateful-lout-I-should-be-grateful-I-even-have-a-job” kind of gratitude.

Is there a grain of truth in there? Of course. There’s nothing like remembering how fortunate we are to start appreciating what we have (but try not to call yourself names, OK? ‘Cuz I adore you).

But that’s not the kind of gratitude I’m talking about.

Guilt-driven “gratitude” can keep you stuck in a job or relationships that are sucking the life out of you and it can keep you from your best life.

I’m talking about gratitude that FEELS GREAT for you.

3 Ways Gratitude Benefits You Right Away

1. Gratitude and positive thoughts flood your brain and body with happy hormones. (Who doesn't love that?)

2. Gratitude reduces stress, boosts immunity, improves relationships, and has all sorts of other health benefits.

3. Gratitude trains your brain to see the positive. This builds new neural pathways and opens your awareness to see positive solutions and new opportunities. And Girlfriend, if you are burning out, you need this! Now.

Try This:

There are lots of ways to practice gratitude. Here’s a quick one I learned from Deepak Chopra recently. It only takes about 3 minutes. You can even do it in a meeting (just look attentive once in a while. Hee hee!)

1. Write down three good things in your life right now. It could be as simple as the steaming cup of coffee in front of you, or the plant on our desk.

2. Pick Thing #1 on your list and send thanks to it. (Not thanks for, but thanks to. I know it sounds kinda nutty, but just try it. It's seriously fun. )

3. Imagine that Thing #1 is aware of your thanks and receives it. Imagine it smiling and beaming right back at you. (Honestly, tell me this doesn’t feel good!)

4. Repeat with Thing #2 and Thing #3.

It feels good doesn’t it?

Anytime you’re starting to feel burned out today, pick another thing and send thanks to it. Because you deserve to feel good and to heal from burnout, Love. (Tell us about it in the comments below).

Much love,

Katie

P.S. Extra Credit Challenge: Practice this exercise every day for a week. Notice any changes you feel and experience. You in? Awesome! Declare it in the comments!

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(Com)Passion First - Or, when your cup runneth dry

5/14/2015

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My sweet old dad, Bill, a month before he got sick.

My sweet old Dad died recently.

It’s been a long and arduous journey for him, for us, for me these past couple of years. And my mom’s needs continue to grow. We don’t know how long the journey ahead will be. We only know that love calls us to journey onward.

I miss him terribly. And I’m tired.

Lately, my throat aches with sadness and exhaustion.

Yesterday, my greatest wish was to feel vitality again. To want to go for a walk instead of dragging myself out for one. To want to greet the world and be a shiny presence that connects and inspires and heals. But I didn't feel very shiny.

By now, I know enough to allow myself to be *exactly* as I am. (Have you tried it?)

And so, I let go of driving myself and shifted to allowing myself.

I did what absolutely had to be done, and then I focused on nourishment.

I read. I napped. I baked a chicken for myself and my love. I poured myself a splash of hearty red wine in a handmade earthen vessel. I put together a little plate of stinky cheese and healthy crackers and salty olives. I started a good novel. I sipped and savored while the chicken baked. I watched a little baseball and went easy on the boys when they lost. And I tucked myself in with my sweetheart at 9pm.

This morning, I woke at 4:15. I stayed tucked in the cocoon of my comforter and read essays written by that gloriously imperfect human, Anne Lamott. For hours. Then I soaked in the hot tub and showered. Then I made a cup of tea and meditated. Then I fed myself a plate of simple, fresh food.

Serious nourishment, all before 9am.

(Note: Sometimes nourishment looks like sleeping ‘til 10).

My amended Word of the Year: (Com)Passion First

As you may recall, my Word of the Year is “Passion First.” I’ve been writing it on my planner nearly everyday this year.

Except lately. I’ve been avoiding it because I have felt so utterly spent that "passion" felt like a long forgotten vacation. “Passion First” used to feel like permission to pursue my passion before any of my other work. Lately, has been feeling like a task master. A “should” that I could never attain.

This morning’s guided meditation was on compassion. As I allowed my busy brain to empty, it slowly dawned on me that my cup has run dry.

Bone dry.

And the only way to refill my cup of passion is to pour a splash of hearty (com)passion into this earthen vessel and lift it to my own parched lips. Sip by tiny sip.

That's what I started to do yesterday. And so, just a few hours later, I find myself writing a love letter to you, my beautiful tribe, to share a tiny sip of (com)passion with you too.

Perhaps you are juggling many things that seem to be taking you away from your true passion. Perhaps you are still working hard in the land of “Not Yet” as you envision the life and work you really want. But “not yet” is still requiring a LOT of energy.

It’s enough to dry your creative juices right up.

The antidote? Self (com)passion.

Give yourself permission, Dearheart.

What is one gift of compassion you can pour into your own earthen cup today?

Do that. Lift it to your own precious lips and drink. And let us know about it in the comments below.

Much, much love,

Katie

P.S. My throat doesn't ache so much anymore.

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My Phrase for 2015: Passion First

1/12/2015

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I was feeling a little Grinch-y and starting to beat myself up...just a little bit. I was feeling the little hamster on the wheel in my belly start to wind up with that feeling that I really ought to be doing something.

New Year’s resolutions. Intentions. Goals. Ugh.

I mean, aren’t the holidays overloaded ENOUGH, without having to think about improving myself too???

Maybe you can relate.

So this year, when I felt that “hurry up and reflect” hamster in my belly, first, I noticed it.

Next, I checked in with what I wanted to feel this holiday season: Playful. Spacious. Connected.

Finally, I asked myself what I wanted to do. Besides enjoying all of the celebrations, I wanted to enjoy this rare time off with my schoolteacher sweetie. I wanted to sleep in together. To read books. To watch movies. To go for walks and watch for birds. To hike in the woods. To tie up loose ends. To sip some fauxnog (lactose intolerant).

So I let myself off the hook. (Maybe you could too).

I knew that once everyone was back at work and the last holiday had been celebrated and the last weekend savored, I’d be ready to go inward and reflect. And guess what? I was.

I still haven’t set any resolutions, and I probably won’t. But here’s an easy ritual I love that you might like too:

I invite in a word or a phrase for the year. I use it as a guiding light for my actions on a daily basis. (Christine Kane writes a great article for how you can do that too).

So far, this is my phrase for 2015:

Passion First.

In fact, next week's blog is all about putting your passion first.

Do you have a word or a phrase for this year? What is it? I’d love to hear about it.

Xo,

Katie

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Enough Love

2/14/2014

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There I was, having a moment of fear and insecurity in my relationship. Even in this most loving and trustworthy of relationships, I still have those moments. I "knew" it really had nothing to do with my sweetheart and everything to do with me.

But nevertheless, there it was. Not going away.

I don't know about you, but I have a whole bag of tricks for situations like this. Push it away. Make the other person wrong. Try to talk myself out of it. Stuff it. Yeah, THOSE work real well. Not going away.

This time, I tried something different. I tried what Martha Beck calls "learning to avoid avoidance." I allowed myself to feel it. I paused and breathed. I noticed what the fear and insecurity felt like in my body - heavy and thick and tight in my chest. I kept breathing. Not trying to fix it or make it change, just noticing. Just feeling and breathing. Staying with it.

And you know what? After a minute or two I felt it loosen, myself loosen. I opened up, and in that opening, this little gem dropped in like a big juicy raindrop:

"There will always be enough love in the Universe for me."

Whoosh. The scary emotions dissipated, and in their place was a deep, centered knowing. A knowing that no matter what happens in this relationship, that friendship, this human encounter, there is enough love in the world for me.

That was the message I needed to hear in that moment. I don't know why it made such a big difference, but it did. Maybe it speaks to you. Maybe it doesn't. You need the message that will speak to you.

Here's the point, Love. When I allowed myself to feel what I was feeling, to quit pushing it away, to breathe into it with compassion, I created the space for my own inner wisdom to speak to me.

When you honor your own beautiful soul, I believe it will speak you, too, with just the message you need to hear right now.

Give it a try. And let me know what happens in the comments below.

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Smart Cookie: 5 Ways to Be Your Own Best Valentine

2/14/2014

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Ah, Valentine's Day. Love, passion, amore! Or maybe not...

Maybe there's not a "special someone" in your life. Maybe that special someone has just departed your life. Maybe that special someone forgot. Maybe he or she didn't celebrate love quite the way you'd been hoping.

It can be a week/day/month fraught with anxiety, distress, let downs, unfulfilled longings.

That's why I like to be my own best Valentine.

What does that look like? It looks like doing things for yourself that nourish you. That nurture you. That let you know that YOU are special and worth doing something extravagant for. Extravagant doesn't have to mean money - it may mean attention, time, feeling.

Looking back on my life, these are 5 ways I have been my own best Valentine (whether it's Valentine's Day or not).

1. Choose to be Your Valentine. Decide to Like You. I'm in 7th grade. I have just moved from a small school in a big city to a big school in a very small town (it served the entire county). I'm the new kid, on the outside looking in. I remember the distinct moment when I think, "This is junior high. I can't count on anyone else to like me. It's up to me to like me." Since that day, there have been many, many moments when I've told myself, "It's up to me to like me. I choose you, Girl."

2. Plan a Gal-entines Party. It's my senior year in high school. I'm tall with nobby knees. A tomboy and a preacher's daughter. A late bloomer shall we say. I had good buddies, but no one asked me to prom. And I ached to go. First, I took time to feel it. That helped. Then the coolest thing happened. Some amazing young women in my class invited me on a girls' trip to Casper, Wyo (that was the big city!) on Prom Saturday. Road trip! We shopped, we laughed, we shared, and we took ourselves out to dinner. Spend time with dear friends and treat yourself like you're special, brilliant, beautiful, worth spending time with. Because the truth is you are, Dearheart.

3. Send a Friend-o-Tine. Text a friend. Send a card to a sibling. Call a dear one and tell them you love them. Tell them something you love about them. Did someone do something you appreciate? Tell them. Why? Because kindness feels good.

4. Do Something Extravagantly Romantic for Yourself. I'm in my 30s and it's Valentine's week. It turns out the guy I hoping was "the one" wasn't. There was a young poet in my town who would write personalized poems for $5 at the farmers' market. I decided to commission a love poem for myself. I told him, "Ben, this week I need a $20 poem." What he created for me was exquisite.

Maybe you don't have a poet readily at hand. What would feel romantic to you? Buy yourself flowers? Take time to savor a good book? Take yourself for a walk in the woods? Listen to a Valentine's blessing from Magpie Girl.

5. Make Yourself a Valentine. Even now, with a sweetie who fits me to a T, I still do romantic things for myself. Here's the Valentine I gave myself this week. I guess it's become a habit to do loving things for myself. Plus, it just feels good to play with markers and crayons and scissors and glue. (Noticing a theme here? Do something that feels good!)

How about you? I can't wait to hear from you! What are some of the things you've done to be your own best Valentine? Let me know in the comments below!

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​What I am not saying:

What I am saying is this:

What "Active Resting" is Not

Try This:

Try This:

Try This:

Ready to reduce stress? Grab your crayons

Try This: Take a 5-minute coloring break

﻿﻿3 Ways Gratitude Benefits You Right Away﻿﻿

﻿﻿﻿﻿Try This:﻿﻿﻿﻿

Archives

Categories

What I am not saying:

3 Ways Gratitude Benefits You Right Away

Try This: