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(Com)Passion First - Or, when your cup runneth dry

5/14/2015

14 Comments

 
Dad on the beachMy sweet old dad, Bill, a month before he got sick.
My sweet old Dad died recently. 

It’s been a long and arduous journey for him, for us, for me these past couple of years. And my mom’s needs continue to grow. We don’t know how long the journey ahead will be. We only know that love calls us to journey onward.

I miss him terribly. And I’m tired.

Lately, my throat aches with sadness and exhaustion.

Yesterday, my greatest wish was to feel vitality again. To want to go for a walk instead of dragging myself out for one. To want to greet the world and be a shiny presence that connects and inspires and heals. But I didn't feel very shiny.

Picture
By now, I know enough to allow myself to be *exactly* as I am. (Have you tried it?)

And so, I let go of driving myself and shifted to allowing myself.

I did what absolutely had to be done, and then I focused on nourishment. 

I read. I napped. I baked a chicken for myself and my love. I poured myself a splash of hearty red wine in a handmade earthen vessel. I put together a little plate of stinky cheese and healthy crackers and salty olives. I started a good novel. I sipped and savored while the chicken baked. I watched a little baseball and went easy on the boys when they lost. And I tucked myself in with my sweetheart at 9pm.

This morning, I woke at 4:15. I stayed tucked in the cocoon of my comforter and read essays written by that gloriously imperfect human, Anne Lamott. For hours. Then I soaked in the hot tub and showered. Then I made a cup of tea and meditated. Then I fed myself a plate of simple, fresh food.

Serious nourishment, all before 9am.  

(Note: Sometimes nourishment looks like sleeping ‘til 10).

PictureMy amended Word of the Year: (Com)Passion First
As you may recall, my Word of the Year is “Passion First.” I’ve been writing it on my planner nearly everyday this year.

Except lately. I’ve been avoiding it because I have felt so utterly spent that "passion" felt like a long forgotten vacation. “Passion First” used to feel like permission to pursue my passion before any of my other work. Lately, has been feeling like a task master. A “should” that I could never attain.

This morning’s guided meditation was on compassion. As I allowed my busy brain to empty, it slowly dawned on me that my cup has run dry. 

Bone dry.

And the only way to refill my cup of passion is to pour a splash of hearty (com)passion into this earthen vessel and lift it to my own parched lips. Sip by tiny sip. 

That's what I started to do yesterday. And so, just a few hours later, I find myself writing a love letter to you, my beautiful tribe, to share a tiny sip of (com)passion with you too. 

Perhaps you are juggling many things that seem to be taking you away from your true passion. Perhaps you are still working hard in the land of “Not Yet” as you envision the life and work you really want. But “not yet” is still requiring a LOT of energy.

It’s enough to dry your creative juices right up.

The antidote? Self (com)passion.

Give yourself permission, Dearheart.

What is one gift of compassion you can pour into your own earthen cup today?

Do that. Lift it to your own precious lips and drink. And let us know about it in the comments below.

Much, much love,

Katie

P.S. My throat doesn't ache so much anymore.


14 Comments
Marta Maria
5/14/2015 10:35:45 am

Dear Katie, your light reaches me even when you are feeling depleted. Thank you. I wish you nourishment. And I send you a big long hug and much love.

Reply
Katie link
5/14/2015 11:22:14 am

Thank you so much, Marta Maria. I love you and I can't wait to hug you in person. <3

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Leslie link
5/14/2015 11:03:42 am

beautiful, Katie! Much love!!

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Katie link
5/14/2015 11:23:29 am

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment, Leslie. Much love to you!

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Nancy link
5/14/2015 11:40:32 am

enjoyed reading your post, Katie. I like your word (Com) passion.
Thank you for sharing.

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Katie link
5/14/2015 01:55:29 pm

Thank you so much for reading, Nancy. My friend Betty wrote it this way in her comment: (come passion). I like that. It sounds like a beckoning, a compassionate invitation for passion to return.

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Terri
5/14/2015 11:17:21 pm

I don't know why I ventured here today but I am so grateful that I did. Thank you Katie, your beauty shines through.

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Katie link
5/15/2015 05:05:46 am

Thank you for dropping by, Terri, and for sharing you heart. <3

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Kathy ivanoff
5/15/2015 02:54:32 pm

Dear Katie...Gentle pampering, mindful choices on creative restoration actions, breathe deeply and allow yourself to just be, surround your self with love. Saying goodbye to our sweet Dads is like no other experience. I'm glad you are "drinking in" compassion. Your energy will return. Just be gentle with yourself. He was a great love! Xoxo

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Katie link
5/18/2015 11:03:57 am

Thank you so much for your kind and compassionate words, Kathy. You are such a restorative presence in the world! xo, Katie

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Dana Nowling
5/19/2015 08:15:11 am

I loved this Katie and you have become an incredible writer. Think of you often and lift you up my prayers daily. Thank you for being your genuine and transparent self and giving us all permission to do the same. Reading your blog was my little nourishment to self today, thank you lovely woman. x

Reply
Katie link
5/20/2015 07:15:05 am

Beautiful Dana - Thank you for your kind words and for taking time to share your heart. You're one of the people I know who gives so much compassion and permission to others (including me!). Sometimes in aiming for self-compassion, it's helpful to remember the champions in our lives. (E.g., "What would Dana say to me about this?"). Love you.

Reply
Becky
5/19/2015 01:06:43 pm

Yes! Lovely! Thank you so much for this, Katie. These words touch me and resonate so deeply in my own current of depression where I have been judging myself and thinking that I "should" be feeling more passion, joy, alive etc. What I need right now is to honor the cocoon and nurture myself; accepting and celebrating me just as I am. Precious right now.
Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. You inspire me. I love you, dear woman.

Reply
Katie link
5/20/2015 07:18:41 am

Dearest Becky - You are one of my role models for compassionate honesty and vulnerability. Yes, honoring precious you in the "precious right now" (what a beautiful phrase). I love you right back, Katie

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